When enough is enough

last sunset from my Kisumu apartment

I thought I’d share my journal entry from the day I arrived to Kisumu. it could be rather therapeutic to take this thing full circle, so that I can tie this volunteer experience in a nice, neat bow.

June 12, 2010

I arrived to Kisumu today. there is nothing to do here except go to grocery stores. there’s a pool apparently, and I saw a movie theatre. tomorrow I will try to muster the courage to go to work on the back of a bicycle. hmm. we’ll see how that goes. I only felt lonely about 10 times and scared only 2 times. the place I am staying is ok. I don’t know how to close the windows.

brilliant, right? it keeps going:

I was just starting to like DC and I could have spent my summer working out, tanning poolside, relaxing, and making money. instead I am bushing out in the middle of nowhere and NOT making money. what was I thinking? but I had always envisioned doing something like this for myself, and I cannot wait to meet the girls. be brave. just be patient and try.

Kisumu and I only have one day left together. after 7 weeks of working here I realized that people are right when they say change is as good as rest. I feel so refreshed. last year I exhausted myself and my loved ones with my need for support and I just felt lost. I so desperately needed an experience that would allow me an opportunity to start acting like the person I wanted to be… someone who had something of value to give.

I used to be the girl that never said no… anything exciting and I was game… foreign lands, tall dark strangers and last minute adventures were experiences that I let define me. but I feel like I have changed so much during my time here. maybe I haven’t though. maybe I’m just more aware of who I am.

feeling a new kind of connection to myself. it’s a distinct feeling that what I have and what I am is enough. even if that just means that I no longer feel the pain that plagued me last year, the absence of that pain is enough to make me happy. and being comfortable is enough. I no longer need the extreme to make me feel satisfied. (um but trust that I will be on another extreme adventure soon- old habits die hard.)

I had no idea that I could or would feel so at home in this little city with nothing to do, but I do. I didn’t know that I had more to give than just templates and spreadsheets, but I did. I shared knowledge and led strategy sessions and saw that people are very much strengthened by words of encouragement. and I soothed crying naked African babies and fed my friends sweet treats that made them smile. and that’s enough. I am happy.

I have no regrets. in fact, volunteering for this project is probably one of the best and healthiest decisions I’ve made for my life yet. definitely a good start to 26.

oh, and I figured out how to close my windows.

consider this bow perfectly tied.

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3 thoughts on “When enough is enough

  1. man, steph!!! Beautifully professed….. I just love reading your blog!!!! You are a brilliant young woman, and I can’t imagine the joy and relief you feel knowing that your strong words have touched the lives of so many women all over the world. You really are out in the wild changing the world one word at a time!!!! congratulations!!!! oh yeah, and I can’t WAIT to see you!!!!

  2. Nice conclusion! I cried. Thanks for sharing and wish the best for your future, you deserve more… Welcome home baby.

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